
Omar Gonzalez, the
gentleman who jumped the White House fence on Friday, apparently ruined a
much-anticipated and long-awaited Secret Service mixer with the female
staff of the Brazilian Embassy. He is currently being detained by the
Capitol Police.

Gonzalez,
thought to be living out of his car, later apologized to the Secret
Service for ruining their get-together and insisted he was only there to
assassinate the President
Apparently Mr. Gonzalez was able to jump over the fence and run all
the way into the White House, easily sidestepping millions of dollars
worth of security, because Secret Service personnel were occupied
preparing the dance hall and the Lincoln bedroom for their scantily clad
guests from South America.
“The boss had just left on the chopper, the band was warming up, and
we were in the process of setting up a wine and cheese bar when this
moron jumps the fence and ruins everything,” said Walter “Wild Man”
Whitman, a 20-year veteran of the Service.
“I was really looking forward to seeing the gals Madam Fifi was
sending over for the party. Everyone on earth knows that Brazilian women
have phenomenal butts!”
The Secret Service officers had apparently met Madam Fifi and some of
her employees while protecting Vice President Biden at the World Cup
this summer.

Secret
Service personnel apparently met Madam Fifi and some of her “employees”
while protecting Vice President Biden at the World Cup
“We just can’t get enough of that South American poontang,” said
Officer Whitman, who hails from Austin, Texas. “I can tell you from
experience there just ain’t nothin’ like it. I’m here to tell you, all
you stuffed-shirt anti-immigration dudes out are really missin’ out!”
Gonzalez’ “leap of faith” is only one in a series of security
breaches involving the White House in recent years. Several mental
midgets have jumped the fence and run around the White House grounds
like squirrels on crack, and one or two have even made it inside to
state dinners.

The
unfortunate Gonzalez incident is not expected to put a damper on the
annual Secret Service Halloween costume party, a perennial favorite with
rookie officers
Gonzalez himself has been pulled over several times in his vehicle
while carrying hatchets, machetes, shotguns, hundreds of rounds of ammo,
a map of the White House, and a well-worn copy of
Assassination For Dummies.
What puzzles the White House press corps is why Gonzalez has never been arrested before Friday. Sheriff R.W.
Scrotum of Fairfax County Virginia explained:
“Mr Gonzalez has been pulled over several times by my deputies but we
never had any grounds to hold him,” said Scrotum. “He was only carrying
some hunting knives, couple of assault rifles, a few grenades, and an
RPG. I mean, it wasn’t like he had any drugs or cash on him or
anything.”
Mr. Gonzalez is set to be arraigned later this week for trespassing
on government property and the more serious charge of obstructing and
interfering with federal officers while in the process of partying.